donderdag 30 oktober 2014


It is possible to loose yourself many times in life. 
Not for all people, I guess. 
I know some people that never will get lost in expectations, 
demands or determination to be the best version of themselves. 
Some people will never get crippled by the unending demands to deliver nothing less than perfection. 
Some people will never experience the battle between your own needs 
and whatever it is that they think is more important. 
Some will never choose repeatedly against their own needs.  

Those people are blessed.
They will not get stuck or find themselves trying to operate with a dead battery.

I do.
I find myself there over and over and over again.

Sometimes I think that the battle against perfectionism is a much harder one than the battle against depression. 
I am fairly certain that this is the thing that fuels my depression and triggers the heavy loaded episodes. 
Days filled with thoughts of self doubt and failure.

I keep climbing out of the shades and I keep continuing my walk towards the sunlight.
Sometimes it is but a step to be back in the light.
Other days the climb is a hard one and asks of me to muster all the skills and strength that I can find.

There are those that will never understand this.

Those people will see my tripping and falling as a sign of a weak character.
They will try to offer me tough love and make sure that I am aware of their thoughts about me.
Little do they know that every time they express their opinion, 
they kick me a little deeper or throw me back over the cliff. 

Back in the cliff of darkness, where I try to sort the lies from the truth.

Is it me?
Is it lack of strength that got me here?
Am I weak?
Do I lack faith in God?
Will I get past this, if I would just make a choice?

As I nurse my wounds and prepare myself for the climb,
I will make the only decision that matters:

I will not be condemned by the number of times I slip and fall.

And no matter how much time it takes me,
I will never settle for a life in the shades.
I will always get back up again.

(Note: I am fine. This is something I recently went through.)

Apples and Roses

maandag 27 oktober 2014

Tiny lessons of life.

Apples and Roses

Apples and Roses

I made these pictures a few weeks ago on a very misty morning.
Just a few trees in the fog. 

Just now my son said something about the little heart shape between the trees, 
formed by the leaves.


Did you see it?
I never saw it till he pointed it out to me.

Always look for the extraordinary in the ordinary, right?
Life lesson learned.

Ik maakte deze foto's een paar weken geleden op een erg hele mistige ochtend.
Gewoon een paar bomen in de mist.

Daarnet zei mijn zoon iets over het kleine,
 door de bladeren gevormde hartvormpje tussen de bomen.


Zag je het?
Ik zag het pas toen hij me er op wees.

Zoek altijd naar het bijzondere in het gewone, toch?
Levensles geleerd.

maandag 13 oktober 2014

The perfect fit.

I have always had trouble knowing where to fit in.
Today I'm at World Moms Blog talking about it.
I would love it if you'd visit me there.

Ik heb me altijd afgevraagd waar ik nou precies bij hoor.
Vandaag praat ik erover op World Moms Blog.
Ik zou het leuk vinden als je me daar een bezoekje brengt.