dinsdag 18 september 2012

Curly girls




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Splash, splash, splash.

"Abigail, you are making me wet!" I cried.

She shrugged in that typical little girl manner, and smiled apologetically.
I rubbed shampoo onto her head and she wiggled and squirmed as usual.
There was no way this kid could ever sit still.

I rinsed her hair with the shower and enjoyed how she leaned back,
closing her eyes while the warm water poured off her silky hair.
I smiled at the sight of her lovely curls.
The weight of the water stretched her hair, 
making it long and wavy, reaching halfway her back.

A triumphant grin appeared on my daughter's face. 
She shook her head in vanity.

"Now I have Lisa hair," she said.

I looked at her in confusion.

"Lisa hair?" I asked.

"Yes,  now my hair is just as long and beautiful as hers."

My heart shattered into a million pieces.
Lisa, was little girl from preschool with long blond hair.

They say life only flashes by when your dying,
but my life flashed by me at that very moment.
And according to the pain in my heart at that moment, 
I might as well have been dying.

I saw myself wishing, praying, for long smooth hair, 
like all the other girls in class.
I saw myself looking at advertisements, movies, magazines, 
admiring long silky hair.
White hair.

I felt discomfort,
 when a woman in the shop touched my little girl braids.
I felt the frustration,
 when I had to deal with breakage after a chemical treatment.

I heard people laugh  
when they saw my afro after I had taken my braids out.
I heard myself explaining again and again 
about weaves, braids and what my real hair looked like.

My girls have beautiful hair.
I have loved it ever since they were born.
I didn't mind taking care of it and nurturing it 
and had always loved the diversity of it.
Their beautiful curls filled me with pride and joy, 
because it was part of them.

Precious, whimsical, willful, beautiful.

But what had I done with my hair?
I had damaged it, hidden it, masked it.
I had been frustrated with it, 
I had cursed it, I had tried to change it.

That little girl in that bad tub was just being a little girl.
Don't we all think the grass is greener somewhere else?
Don't we all want to be someone else at some point.
I think her remark was innocent.

Ever since she was born, 
she had never heard anyone say anything to her less than that she was beautiful.

But that was not my experience.
That little girl that was me grew up in a world where apartheid existed,
She experienced hatred, racism, ignorance.
People told her she wasn't pretty because of her skin, because of her hair.

But looking at that girl in the bath tub, miles away, 
worlds away from that other girl.
There was a grown woman, that knew it was time to embrace herself.





There is a lot to be said about black hair.  I don't speak for anyone but myself.
 This is my story, these are my words. This only applies to me. 
I would not want anyone to take my words and apply it to every woman of color out there. 
So please, don't.








Comments (13)

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Oh, I'm crying as I read this. We have all been scarred by racism my friend. It has stolen our souls, and left us with nothing but hatred on ourself and amongst ourselves. I hate being referred to as a yellow bone, becuase I'm proud to be black. The worst though, is the black on black treatment, our aunts, cousins, mothers...only becuase their opinions mattered the most. I'm very proud of the mother you are, strong and you always put your kids first, that is amazing. The "you are beautiful as you are" lesson is the best thing you can do for them. You are beautiful, your hair is gorg, and you inspired me to love myself as I am. Kisses my friend, lets celebrate our hair, curves, colour of skin.
1 reply · active 670 weeks ago
That is exactly the most important lesson I want to teach my kids: That they are beautiful and perfect exactly the way they are.
And so are you my friend, inside and outside. Thank you.
For the record, I love your girls' hair. I think YOU have beautiful hair.

My husband has vey curly hair, just like his father. I was actually hoping my boys would get his hair, I love the curls so much. They have my straight straight hair though. But, hair doesn't define them. Just as it doesn't define you and your girls. But you already knew that. :)
My recent post Great Expectations
1 reply · active 670 weeks ago
Thank you Alison.
It took me a long time to realize that my hair is beautiful, just the way it is.
I have curly hair and was always teased about it growing up. I learned to hate it because of that. As I have gotten older though I know that my hair doesn't define me, just like any trait doesn't define anyone else.
My recent post You Are…
1 reply · active 670 weeks ago
Maybe our hair does define us. It says that we are all special, unique, different. But what it does not define is our worth.
You're so beautiful. Thank you for sharing these emotions with me. I hope some day to hear more about your life growing up. It shapes so much of who we are.
My recent post WTF Wednesday
1 reply · active 670 weeks ago
Thank you Bridget.
The way we grew up definitely shapes us in beautiful and sometimes not so beautiful ways.
Oh sweets. I love this post.
It's hard being a kid when you're different.
My mom wouldn't let me shave my legs forever. I got teased for it. Kids are just rude.
I think that you are gorgeous and your sweet ones are too.
1 reply · active 670 weeks ago
Being different as a kid is absolutely hard.
I do my absolute best to teach my kids that different is special, that different is beautiful.
Luckily the world they live in is so much different than the world I grew up in.
Thanks Kimmo :)
This post made me teary eyed. You and your girls both have beautiful hair. I learned to love my hair with time. I hope to teach the kind of love I now have for it (or, my hair) to my daughters. There's beauty in difference. There's beauty in curls. I hope they learn that from me.
My recent post the happiest mother doesn’t have it all
1 reply · active 670 weeks ago
There is beauty in difference. And it is such a shame that I grew up in a world that taught me the exact opposite.
Mirjam, this post made my heart break for that small girl who did not realize her true beauty. I love your hair, and I love the curls of your daughters. My two daughters have the curly hair of their dad and their uncle. I am learning how to manage my girls' beautiful curls. My preschooler told me that she wanted straight hair. I told her that she was beautiful as she was. At this age, I think that the girls recognize how they are alike and how they are different. You are stunning my friend, and your daughters are beautiful. Our job as mothers is to teach our daughters to value the uniqueness and beauty in the diversity all around us. You are doing just that.

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