donderdag 10 mei 2012

Mommy's blog


I'm linking up with Galit and Nicole.

Klik voor hier Nederlands

When I started this blog, it was all about me. 
I mentioned that I had children,
even included their pictures and talked about them sometimes,
but it was about me. (Me, me, me!)
About finding myself after burn out and depression.
A place to share and store my little projects.
A place where I could be me.

Along the way I rediscovered my love for writing and photography
and I started to write longer posts. (Sorry!)

But somewhere along the line my kids took over.

 I kind of retreated from motherhood during my depression.
It went very gradually.
I still hugged my kids, took care of them and absolutely loved them.

But there was this part of me,
that started to be convinced, that I was a horrible mother.

Why was everything taken so much energy?
Why did I find mothering three kids so hard,
while others seemed to be doing it easily.

It must be me, I thought.

I discovered that I'm not a horrible mother,
I discovered that there was nothing wrong with me.
Ehm, no, actually, I discovered that there was something wrong with me,
but that it was not my fault.
And being a mother while thinking: "I suck at this," is no fun.

Right now, I'm a mother who thinks: "I'll be fine, I can handle this."

It's such a huge difference.

So this is still NOT a mommy blog, it's a mother's blog.
( I am mostly trying to convince myself)

It's a blog about me, my battle against depression,
and all the things I love and that includes my kids!
(Yes, I love my husband too, but I grant him a little bit of privacy.)

So to answer that question,
I speak for my soul.
A soul that has been silent and broken for way too long.
But that soul is coming out of her shell.